Stopping in small towns

On the way to Turangi we stopped at Foxton.  Mainly we stopped to go to the toilet.  I can tell you that the toilets at Foxton are good.  While I was waiting in the car for my turn I noticed this,

Which made me smile.  To be honest it was a bit of a smart-alecky, city-slicker smile.  Not entirely kind, but not entirely unkind.  I do like small towns like Foxton.  A main road that is a jumble of buildings and empty lots behind which are only fields.  Some of those buildings are quite substantial, and have a bit of style, but around them are only empty spaces where other equally grand buildings failed to materialise. 

After we left Foxton we only stopped one more time, for dinner at Taihape, before we got to our house north of Turangi at about 8pm.  In the house the next morning I found Bill Bryson’s book The Thunderbolt Kid on a book shelf.  I like Bill Bryson books.  Sometimes he is very, very funny.  The Thunderbolt Kid is about Bill’s childhood and it is a good read, but this passage in particular jumped out at me:

That was the glory of living in a world that was still largely free of global chains.  Every community was special and nowhere was like everywhere else.  If our commercial enterprises in Des Moines weren’t the best, they were at least ours.  At the very least, they all had things about them that made them interesting.

Which struck me as being true. 

In Wellington there is an old department store called Kirkcaldie and Stains.  Sometime, probably in the 90s, it was modernised.  They kept the facade of the old building and built two office blocks that rose out of the shell.  A newer, shinier department store remained on the bottom three floors.  Somehow though, visiting Kirks as a child, when Kirks had not been rebuilt, was an infinitely richer and quirkier experience.  The old store had elevator operators, and a kind of mechanical puppet display on one wall, and cavernous bathrooms with attendants, and a tea room that proudly displayed photos of all the women who had won the Miss Kirkcaldie and Stains competition.  It had strange corners filled with rugs, and little nooks where you could unexpectedly come across an accounts department.  It was, in short, unique.  A conglomeration of things accumulated over time.  Which I rather liked, although I believe glossy and organised is generally more admired by shop designers.

In Year 12 Classics there is a topic on Athenian Art and Architecture in which we usually begin with the Parthenon.  When I first taught this topic I was dutifully impressed with the Parthenon which is justly famous for its pleasing proportions and architectural tricks that create the illusion of perfection.

But as time has gone on I am less interested in this building and more interested in a nearby shambles of a structure called the Erectheion (sounds like you’re saying “erection” with a lisp).

The Erectheion is a very bitsy building designed to accommodate an awkward site, and some already extant shrines and places of significance.  Which makes it kind of a mess of styles, but also a tremendously dense site of Athenian myth and history.  The hole in the roof may be from Poseidon’s trident, and where that trident struck the ground was a salt spring.  The olive tree was supposed to be the first olive tree, a gift from Athena.  Inside you could find the statue of Athena Polias, the most ancient and revered of the statues on the Acropolis; a statue that had reputedly fallen on that spot from the heavens.  Here you could find, tucked under a wall, the tomb of Athen’s first king who was half snake. 

Something about all of this makes it a richer building.  Certainly a more interesting one to talk about than the Parthenon.  It is often this way with places and people though.  Character comes out of difficulties or little shapes we mold about our oddities.

In Venice – to take another example – I bought, like many tourists, a copy of John Ruskin’s The Stones of Venice.  Unlike many books about architecture or about Venice, Ruskin’s book explained to me why I liked the buildings of Venice.  It was because they were mostly a bit bonkers.  Even the buildings that weren’t and were considered fine examples of something else ended up looking bonkers because of all the higgedly-piggedly stuff around them.  It was Ruskin who made me look at the Ducal Palace properly.

Ruskin pointed out to me that the two windows on the right are a different design and on a different level from all the rest, and that they have two funny little square windows above them, and that this is partly why the building “works”.  This oddness is at the same time something you don’t notice, and something that you do.  It gives a little splash of character.

Which is something, I am beginning to conclude, we could do with more of as we are now very much in the hands of global chains, and large-scale property developments, and an idea of making ourselves international. 

I said that Cathy and I made one more stop for dinner after we left Foxton.  I must glumly inform you that we stopped at McDonalds.  I don’t mind the food at McDonalds, but I mind almost everything else.  When Cathy and I walked into McDonalds in Taihapi I had that same sinking feeling that I have whenever I darken the doors of a Starbucks, or a Wishbone, or a Mojo, or a Borders.  It’s the feeling of entering a place with no past, or no future; of entering a space that is a constant present representing on-trend corporate chic according to someone in an office ten thousand miles away.

Happily small towns are off-trend.  Global chains pass them by.  Those towns have old buildings that have been buggered about with, and dusty one room museums, and mural displays, and strange cafes that smell like sausage rolls and play National Radio.  I increasingly like them.  As much as I like the funny two windows on the end of the Ducal Palace, and the clumped together Erectheion, and wandering about the old Kirks in my memory again.

And I can tell you that we didn’t stop at McDonalds on the way back home after our trip.  We stopped in Foxton.  I gave Rosamund a bottle on the side of the road and we watched the long shadows stretch across the mostly empty street as the sun went down on the crumbling pub, and the second hand store, and Foxton’s fantastic murals.

Trouble is My Business

Because I am a masochist I got Trouble is My Business off the video store new release shelf on Thursday night and we watched it.

Trouble is My Business  is a documentary about an  Assistant Principal working  at Aorere College in South Auckland a few years ago.  The ERO report from 2009 tells us that the  school has about 1400 students,  is decile two, and that 2% of the students identify as European/Pakeha.

My first ever teacher placement was at Porirua College.  When I was walking around the school with my associate teacher one  day he said hello to one of the kids and  then turned  to me,

Associate Teacher: “That’s one  of them.”

Me: “One  of what?”

Associate Teacher: “The white kids.”

Me: “One of them?”

Associate Teacher:  “There are seven.”

Which makes you realise that there is a problem  with the idea that New Zealand  is not a racist or segregated society.

Anyway, here is the director’s statement  about  her film:

After interviewing several women my age (30) about their lives as research, I realised all of the decisions that led them to their current predicaments had been made when they were 13 and 14 years of age.  I took a job at a local high school Aorere College as the arts co-ordinator. The area of Mangere where I worked was very depressed. Although most of the parents had jobs, they tended to work long hours in low paid employment.  This meant many of the kids were neglected by their parents; not by choice, but by necessity.  The parents tended to have large families, and the older kids often looked after the younger ones.  There were problems with condoned truancy, where parents preferred a child to stay home to look after the young ones rather than attending school.  There were major health issues, language barriers, gangs, high rates of crime, all the issues associated with a low socio-economic area.  

That first statement about your situation  at 30 being based on decisions you made at 13 or 14 stings a bit when  I read it.

Those girls I mentioned in my last post who had mugged another student are 14 or 15 years old.  When a student is suspended their teachers and deans have to write a report on them.  It was hard to.  Even though my estimation of those students  has sunk quite a bit after what they did, they are three students I like.  One in particular.  I have written about her before.

There’s this girl in my year group.  I won’t bore you with the story about how she’s got potential, but she has.  She’s a crack up, and good looking, and really quick on the uptake.  She’s in for a detention for… for, what?  Was it wagging that time?  Anyway, she was tired, and the other person in my office was letting her have it: “Whose fault is it that you’re late?  It’s your fault, isn’t it?  You’re responsible for you.”  That kind of stuff.  Sometimes I say the same stuff, so don’t think I’m making out I’m better, because I’m not.  Anyway, the girl said, “do you know what I have to do everyday Miss?  I have to go and pick up the kids, and I have to make them tea, and I have to put them to bed, and then they won’t go to sleep so I have to put them to bed again, and then I have to get up, and get them ready….”  The other person in my office didn’t hear any of this, but I heard it and it made me sad.  I wanted to give her a hug.

Sometimes she would tell me things that made my hair stand on end.  About how one brother punched another brother in the face and broke off his front teeth.  That kind of stuff.  Other times she would tell you things that would make you smile and feel sad.  About how she hated it when her mum came to the school and had a meeting  with the DP because her mum “was all smiles and all good with the DP, but when we get home… Mister, she ain’t all smiles and  all good.”

Kids see through you.

Sitting in my office talking to another dean  yesterday we discussed  her case.  How do you get out of a life where all of your role models are negative?   Beats me.

Trouble is My Business is this kind of film.  A film  about a proactive teacher working  with students in impossible situations.  There is no comment in the film (outside the editing  room choices of course) about what happens; it just happens.  A few students are highlighted and their problems are complicated, and there are no long term solutions just short term ones.  The short term ones – get them into class, patch things up with a teacher, stop them from punching each other – are  part of the strategy of keeping  them out of trouble long enough that they might mature a bit, and somehow  find a place in the school that will sustain  them.

It does happen. Students  are resilient.  Some  of them deal with a lot and get through.

Some don’t,  and  in my limited  experience  what makes a kid more likely to fail to get though is the kind of support they get or don’t get from their family and friends, but good teachers help.  They do make some  difference.  For some kids just finding  one teacher who likes them, and takes them on, and  goes into battle for them can make a huge difference.

I was cheered by Trouble is My Business.  I got out of my office yesterday and spent three lessons walking  around the school, picking  up the stray kids, talking to them, taking  them back to class.  I found two boys over at the dairy during second  spell.   I walked them back over the road to school.

What are you doing over here, boys?

Getting breakfast.

Shouldn’t you be in  class?

I was hungry.

Smells a bit like smoke around  here.

Nah.

How many do you smoke a day?

(Looking  sheepish) Not many.

Cutting back?

(Nods)

That pie smells good.

Want some?

You had a  good year this year.

Yep.

Better than last year.

By  this time we’re standing  outside their classroom.

See you, Mister.

See you, boys.

Problem of them wagging  one lesson = solved.

Problems of their truancy in general, being off school grounds, bad diet, smoking  addiction, low literacy?

Bro,  every journey starts with a single step.

Mono no aware

The title of this post is in Japanese.  I say this because you may think, if you happen to be American, that this will be about a person with undiagnosed mono (glandular fever), or perhaps that it will be about how today’s youth are unaware of what existed before stereo sound.  It is about neither of these things.  It is about – put on your best Maori pronunciation (if you have no Japanese) – mono no aware.

At its core is a deep, empathetic appreciation of the ephemeral beauty manifest in nature and human life, and is therefore usually tinged with a hint of sadness….  Literally, “a deep feeling over things”

Keys to the Japanese Heart and Soul

Sei Shonagon’s Pillow Book offers countless examples,

In autumn, the evening. The setting sun burnishes the edges of the mountains and the birds fly home. . . . A trembling line of wild geese flies into the distance and disappears.

The scene is beautiful and vivid and/but it is fleeting.

Close to mono no aware is the concept of mujo,

the doctrine that everything that is born must die and that nothing remains unchanged

There is a famous poem from the medieval period in Japan’s  history called Hojiki that exemplifies mujo, and parts of it run like this:

A house and its master

are like dew that gathers

on the morning glory.

Which will be the first to pass?

Sometimes the dew falls away

while the flower stays.

But they will surely

wilt in the morning sun.

Sometimes the flower shrivels

while the dew holds on.

But it will not

outlive the day.

The man who wrote this describes the city of Kyoto in destructive flux, and his retreat into the forests of the mountains to find the heart of things.  It is a work not too dissimilar to Walden.

***

Recently I have been watching Ozu movies in the middle of the night when I am feeding Rosamund.  It has taken me back to our time in Japan. It’s been seven years since Cathy and I came back from Japan.  Seven years.

About five years ago, I suppose, I thought it would be pretty cool if I could take all of our mementos and photos and bits and pieces from Japan and create an art work out of them.  Somehow I never managed to get around to doing it.  Part of the problem was that I had no idea how to do it, and the other (larger) problem was my ability to interminably put things off.  Watching Ozu late at night, and suffering the stresses of being a new born’s dad again seemed to spark me into action however, and I have spent the last couple of days assembling, and arranging and gluing my “art work” together.  I finished it around lunchtime today and it is sitting now against the wall in our dining room waiting to be hung in the hallway.

Now that I am done with the business of making the thing, I have time to look at it and I find when I look at it that I have mixed feelings.  Those feelings might best be described as mono no aware and mujo.

***

Each object on there, each photo, each card or cloth has a powerful emotional hold on me and at the moment my dominant feeling when I look at this “picture” is sadness and yearning.

Take something as simple as the repeated frames that show the rusty, red cloth.  The cloth was bought at a little shop on Mido-Suji (the Queen Street of Osaka), next to Nova’s old head office.  We bought a few different things at that shop because it had such nice things.  We bought some Japanese lanterns there, and some prints, and a rather nice bento box.  For years Cathy wrapped her purse in that cloth.  Her purse was rather expensive and we bought it in a Japanese department store for quite a bit of money.  It was a lovely green, leather purse that folded in on itself and clipped shut with silver clasps.  A beautiful object to look at, but also tactile.  Because it was so nice Cathy kept it wrapped in this cloth.

And so I think of the shop where we bought the cloth, and the place we bought the wallet, and the everyday life it saw with us -  the friends we went to bars and isakayas with, the subways and the train tickets, the chou creams we bought at Family Mart.  Memories on top of memories that have a peculiar ache to them: sadness, mainly sadness now, with a little of the original happiness drifting through.

What is this sadness?  An appreciation of the ephemeral beauty in nature and human life; an awareness that everything that is born must die and nothing remains unchanged.

***

It’s the Ozu I suppose that brought all this on.  Sitting up at night holding Rosamund and watching Ozu movies.  He is my favourite director by such a margin that I simply place him in a different category from other directors.  There is Ozu, and then there are all the other film makers.  I don’t think he was a genius, but I do think that he was a master.  He also happened to work with Setsuko Hara who I could happily watch on screen every day and night for a week and never tire of.

I am going to talk about Ozu some more in a bit, so I will leave him to one side for the moment.

Should I say that I wish I could go back in time to those places that I see in the pictures on the wall?  Back to the karaoke bar, or the cherry blossom viewing picnics and the friends and the laughter?  I can say that this desire exists and doesn’t exist.  Since those moments captured in those objects Cathy and I have gone on to new things, with new people, and we have had the chance, the wonderful chance, to meet our daughters – something neither of us would want to give up for a second.

Life is an accumulation of things I suppose.  Complicated.  A pulling of the heart towards the past and into the present.

Now

I was sitting at the traffic lights the other day on the corner of Riddiford Street watching the cars pouring first one way through that intersection, and then another, and I was overwhelmed by the triviality of now.  For some reason I remembered a photo I had seen on the internet of that same intersection taken around 1910.

And I thought: imagine all of the people who have gone through this intersection in the one hundred years since that picture was taken.  Imagine all of the people who had sat in the spot I was sitting in waiting for a gap in the traffic, or for the lights to change thinking about whatever was fleetingly of interest to them.

It wasn’t a profound thought but it somewhat depressed me.

Look at the girls with their straw boaters standing on the street corner as the tram goes by.

We can imagine the sound of the tram clattering past, the hooves of the butcher’s horse heading up Rintoul Street.  Where did life take those girls?  Because life has certainly finished with them, it is a sad thought, but this is what life is made up of on the whole.  It is sitting at the lights and drumming your fingers on the steering wheel.

***

A couple of weeks ago a teacher at school brought in a pile of biographies of famous actors and dancers and I picked up a little cloth bound hardback about Ivor Novello.  I picked it up because the name rang a small bell in my head, and because I like cloth bound, hard back books.  The book was published in 1951 and it seems that Mr. Novello died at around the same time, because Noel Coward’s foreward had to be altered at the last minute (“I am too shattered by the death… to write an estimate of his work or his personality”).

Now that I have read something about Novello I am not sure why I faintly recalled his name.  He was a star of the British stage primarily, but he was in some movies (I have never heard of any of them), and he wrote music (usually for his plays).  The solitary thing that he did that I have heard of is the song Keep the Home Fires Burning (1915).  I fear that in 2010 he remains in popular culture as little more than a disregarded and outdated dusty biography on the $1.00 table at a second hand book store.

The story of Ivor Novello is simply the story of a phenomenon….  There is nobody in the English speaking world who has not heard of Ivor Novello.

Ivor Novello is acknowledged to be one of the giants of the English stage today.  His plays, his writings and his music will live for a very long time to come, and a tribute to the man, his work and his influence has been long overdue.

Peter Noble, Ivor Novello – Man of the Theatre

Which reminded me of this very famous poem by Shelley.

I met a traveler from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

***

Yesterday, between visits to the hospital to be with Cathy and Rosamund, I took my Year 13 Classics class on a trip to the Classics Museum at Victoria University.  We have been studying Greek vases out of a text book for about a month now, and here was the opportunity to listen to an expert talk about actual Greek vases and to pass them about and hold them.  It was extraordinary.

Each of those objects was between 2600 and 2100 years old.  At one point the lady who was explaining the vessels to us drew our attention to a spot just under the handle of a jug we were examining, and there was the slight trace of the potter’s thumb print.  He must have picked the pot up before it was properly dry.  I imagine he cursed himself before deciding he wasn’t going to waste his work and then going on to paint and fire it.  Between the moment the thumb print was made and some 18 year old students rubbing it with their gloved hands and taking pictures on their cellphones lies more than 2000 years, and so much change that it makes comprehending this gulf impossible.

But of course, studying anitquity has the opposite effect too.  It opens up vast distances and exposes us to seemingly alien beliefs and practices, while at the same time making us realise how similar we are to those people who passed so long ago.  It is hard not to feel the connection and closeness of humanity regardless of the passing of millenia when you look at the little children’s toys, or read the sad transcription of a grief stricken parent on a child’s tomb.  Or when you look at the little pots that were used by women for their makeup and moisturiser, or read the fragment of papyrus that is nothing more glorified than a tax statement, or look at all the fancy jugs, and bowls and cups that they had for their drinking parties.

***

 Eleanor routinely tells me with great enthusiasm that she will soon be four, and then she will be five, and then – great excitement – she will be able to go to school.  She is very keen to go to school, and I suppose I am sort of looking forward to it, but I tell her “don’t grow up too fast”.  I find it a difficult emotional balance wanting to see Eleanor grow up and not wanting each moment to pass.

Of course letting each moment pass leads you on to more of life, more things that fill the heart up.  Like meeting Rosamund.  Neither Cathy or I will forget the moment the surgeon lifted Rosamund up from behind the curtain and we saw that little girl all balled up and balling covered in creamy, white vernix.  It is certainly folly to seek immortality, to pile up attempts at monuments or biographies.  We had better instead think of the potter’s thumb print.  The power of the triviality of now.  It concentrates me on the people here with me, and the love I feel for them, and shrugs off the burden of time for a while.

Boy

After the movie I wondered why I felt upset.  Even though Boy is a lot heavier than Eagle v. Shark it’s not that heavy.  After a while I decided there were a few things that got to me about the film.

First off the main character, Boy, looks exactly like a boy at school.  I spent quite a bit of time sitting in the DP’s office last year with different parts of his whanau trying to sort him out.  Those  meetings when you try to “get through” to a wayward youth are wasted breath, but, you know, what the hell else are you supposed to do?  He was very whakama in the face of recriminations, and found it hard to look anyone in the eye.  Gee he has a talent.  And a dazzling smile.  Could be anything that boy.  Full of potential.

That was the second thing.  Potential.  The characters in the film have a lot of it.  Not more than other people, about the same really, but when you look out in the background of the shots they walk through you see a lot of empty space, and roads, and the odd wreck of a building.  Lots of potential but maybe not so many opportunities.  Still you can dream.  That’s what Boy does, and that’s what his Dad did.  Dreams, of course, take up time and cost a lot.  They can use up the resources of love and trust if they are just talk.

What the hell do you tell the fool in your office who thinks he’s going to be a league star, and keeps getting into fights and telling teachers to f off?  You tell them they’ve got potential.  Funny word “potential” because it can lead to good and bad things.  Your potential might see you scoring the winning breakaway try for the local league club, or doing a runner from the cops.

There’s always other stuff in the background of those kids lives though.  The kids who end up in your office time after time.  If Boy gets in trouble and you’re the Pakeha calling home then who do you talk to?  You might get Nan, and she’d be good I bet.  She’d talk to Boy and he’d feel really bad about whatever he’d done for a while.  As he got older though Nan would gradually lose her hold on him, and he’d be gone altogether.  Well, if Nan didn’t answer the phone you might just get one of the other kids, or you might even fluke it and get Dad one time.  He’d be all closed mouth, and grim about it, about getting a call from the school, and you wouldn’t be able to tell if he was going to forget about it all before he’d even hung up, or go and do  something quick and brutal to the kid.

There’s this girl in my year group.  I won’t bore you with the story about how she’s got potential, but she has.  She’s a crack up, and good looking, and really quick on the uptake.  She’s in for a detention for… for, what?  Was it wagging that time?  Anyway, she was tired, and the other person in my office was letting her have it: “Whose fault is it that you’re late?  It’s your fault, isn’t it?  You’re responsible for you.”  That kind of stuff.  Sometimes I say the same stuff, so don’t think I’m making out I’m better, because I’m not.  Anyway, the girl said, “do you know what I have to do everyday Miss?  I have to go and pick up the kids, and I have to make them tea, and I have to put them to bed, and then they won’t go to sleep so I have to put them to bed again, and then I have to get up, and get them ready….”  The other person in my office didn’t hear any of this, but I heard it and it made me sad.  I wanted to give her a hug.

So when Boy is making all the kids their dinner every night, I feel for him.  And what happens when the phone rings, and it’s someone like me on the phone?  Can I make a difference on the telephone, calling into the middle of a situation like that?  A situation like that is complicated.  Whanau Ora is a good idea if it straightens that path out.

And the third thing in the movie that got me was the son’s changing view of his dad.  I used to see myself in the role of the kid when I went to a movie like this, but now I see myself in the role of the dad.

When I was a boy watching RTR Countdown I actually thought I was going to be David Lee Roth in hot pink leotards leaping around stage to some mind blowing rock song.  I really believed it.  Until quite recently, in fact, I more or less had the same dream (a more sedate, less lycra version of the dream, but the same dream).  Dreams are good when you’re eleven.  Not so much later on.  Later on they can make you ridiculous.  I wonder at what age my daughter will realise that I am ridiculous?

I’d like to be a better father for her.  I have a lot of things I could get better at for her.  Then again, being alive is not something you can perfect.  I will have to accept a certain amount of failure.  And I do want her to know that I’m ridiculous one day, because then she’ll know where she gets it from, all her crazy dreams.  May she have many.

Eh, Boy?

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