About one hour after I woke up on 1 January I wondered if setting ten goals for the year had been a really, really bad idea. Ten! What the hell had I been thinking?
Let’s talk about two of the goals in turn and see how I’ve gotten on over the first three days.
Goal One: the one where I said I would not be drinking this year.
So far I can report that this sucks. Drinking, on reflection, is pretty awesome. Not drinking, not so much. Here is a review of the first 72 hours.
- Day One: Went to mother’s house for New Years Lunch. Red wine looked nice. Mum and Cathy had some. I had ginger beer. Conclusion: I don’t like ginger beer as much as wine.
- Day Two: Cathy had G&T. I had T. Really not the same. After kids in bed Cathy had some wine. I had some coffee. Freshly ground Ethiopian beans through percolator with warmed milk. Wine would have been nicer.
- Day Three: Richard and Shelley came for lunch. Food was good. Eleanor in good form. Three bottles of wine disposed of. Richard spoke movingly about wine, Shelley about her admiration for my will power, all the while I was wondering if I could sneak a drink in the kitchen with no one noticing.
Presumably this will become easier.
Either that or I will crack.
At this point I’d say there’s a fifty-fifty chance of the latter.
Goal Five: Don’t use plastic bags.
Here is a brief summary of the function of plastic bags in modern society.
Mostly people use plastic bags to:
- Get shit
- Get rid of shit*
*If you have a baby point two is often literal.
Remembering to take alternative bags when I go shopping is going to be the least of my problems (although I have bought an envirosak, Robyn). Point one is fairly easily dealt with.
Point two is a lot harder.
Take a disposable nappy (please). All by itself it is an object dear to the heart of many parents, and even though it is very bad for the planet please remember that part of my overall plan with these goals was not to piss off my wife so I’m just not going there (yet).
A “soiled” nappy smells pretty bad. Generally people put them in plastic bags. You can buy little perfumed plastic bags to put soiled nappies in. One day I think that rubbish tips around the world will detonate as a trillion little plastic nappy bags reach a critical point in their gassy build up under the earth. That’ll be a tough day for seagulls. And down wind residents.
Anyway, to avoid this extra plastic poo bag I now take soiled nappies directly from baby bottom to outside bin.
Next problem. Our general rubbish goes in a bin in the kitchen which has a plastic bin liner, and when that’s full it goes in the big council rubbish bag. (Didn’t we, a long time ago, used to have heavy duty paper council rubbish bags?) Anyway, how do I get rid of the plastic bin liner in my kitchen rubbish bin without (a) creating a big sloppy mess in my bin that has to be scooped out by me every few days, and (b) Cathy beating me up for creating (a)?
Is there such a thing as an environmentally friendly bin liner?
Such things are occupying my little mind.