Make Yourself at Home

Perhaps we should imagine a romantic interlude in a fashion-forward house of the 80s.  After a dinner of Peanut Gumbo, Hawaiian Steak Surprise, Beefettes, and a lovely mushroom, parsley, breakfast cereal mound…

the frisky couple can retire to the living room to lounge on their trampolines

and watch a seagull on their stylish, elegant TV

using their remote control

Man: Yeah, it has buttons for four channels.

Woman: But there are only two channels on TV.

Man:  Sure.  Now there are two channels, but they reckon by the year 2012 we’ll have maybe even five.

Now it’s getting late and it might be time to roll off the foam tramp cushion onto the fecal autumn carpet and spin some Richard Clayderman.

Once those twinkling fingers have worked their magic, it would be time to retire to the timeless dignity of the tastefully furnished bedroom.

In the morning perhaps our young lovers could agree to meet again.  He pulls out his databook and she pulls out hers.  They laugh, “Snap!” she says.

“What do you love about yours?”

“The maroon rexine binding.  You?”

“That it’s just a notebook but it has a name that makes it sound like a computer.”

She slips on her shoes.

“Shall we do a workout or watch The Good Life on telly?”

He smiles knowingly at her.

“Have I got the perfect treat for you,” he says.

5 thoughts on “Make Yourself at Home”

  1. Felicity Kendall!!!!! Phwarrrrrr 😉

    Once voted “the sexiest bottom on TV” in England 😀

    You know what always cracked me up about those ads offering free brochures? You always had to fill out a coupon with your name and address and that coupon ALWAYS had words like “please IMMEDIATELY RUSH me my FREE colour brochure.”

    This always cracked me up because
    1) I always imagined the potential customers RUSHING to fill in their details, cut out the coupon (taking care not to cut outside the lines), hastily shoving the coupon into an envelope and then breaking several laws and killing several pedestrations by driving at very high speed to the nearest post box, and
    2) I always thought it was quite rude and demanding. They never wrote the word “please” in big letters. And FREE was always in big letters too, just in case the person opening the envelope had even the merest thought of possibly charging the customer for said colour brochure.

  2. OMG JP where do you find these ancient relics of advertising? They make me realise what bad taste we had back then. Just the colour schemes alone. SO seventies and eighties.
    And as for the hair styles and fashions of the day. Curls are so out now. Was combing my hair in the staff room yesterday. A colleague next to me shreiked with delight at my comb. I was using my hardy old perm comb. He had not seen one for years but all the girls had them in Fiji where he came from. Had to explain it was my old perm comb. What a hoot. It’s probably an antique item now and I could get a bit of dosh for it on Trade Me.

  3. Oh how I love your posts using old advertising that makes me punch myself in the face for ever thinking that the 80s was the Golden Age.

    I don’t really know why anyone would change the channel from that seagull flying across the set. The remote control is therefore a useless device. The wicker fan on the wall is much more practical.

    I remember those trampolines. My grandparents had one and I thought, gee whiz this will be fun! Just like the big trampolines! Look out! And then you get on one and you can barely lift yourself 6 inches off the thing.

  4. I wonder how many people took their first bounce on an indoor tramp and smashed their head on the light fitting above?

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