Middle-aged

Part of me, let’s say my little toe, identifies with the ad in this post.  Now that I am at the wrong end of my 30s I sometimes find myself in homeware shops avidly regarding completely useless kitchen gadgets and wondering how I ever managed without them.  Usually I catch myself before wasting my money on avocado stoners, or mandarin pith removers.  Usually it happens this way: I imagine myself at about 19 years of age looking like a total tit in an outlandish and unconvincing Jim Morrison costume with a head full of Rage Against the Machine and Nirvana wandering past the shop and sneering at me.  I imagine myself, sneering at myself.  19 year old John-Paul would regard a set of lovely pottery spice jars with the contempt they deserve.

Still, when it comes to being a homeowner (aka – indentured serf to the bank) in your 30s you do find yourself every now and then in the thrall of the most tedious kind of consumerism.  Consumerism which is all about buying stupid 80s music I get.  It gives me a thrill.  Wondering which kind of fridge will best “meet my needs” leaves me… cold.  Just shoot me and be done with it.  No matter how you dress it up, trying to get me excited about kitchen appliances is just going to make me laugh.  I might guiltily then investigate your product on the internet, but in public I reserve the right to laugh at you.

What an awesome phone conversationalist this woman is.  Not only is she bragging by leaning on the word NEW, she is also somehow managing to convey fancy writing with a brown background and a white border when she says Classique.  Looks like the hubby is in for a treat tonight at the dinner table: whole roasted capsicums with a splash of coffee and tea.

The focal point of your kitchen?  Sounds like the kitchen needs an upgrade.  Who are these people?  Why are disembodied heads endorsing this product?  How does Carol Booth of New Plymouth manage anything WITH NO HANDS? 

I like how this ad is targeted at women so explicitly.  It actually helps.  Any kind of ambiguity is dangerous.  For example, when I first saw this ad for example I thought it was about breakfast cereal.

Why would I want a serviette with my breakfast though?  Feminine napkins?  Napkins with little flowers on them?  Well, if you insist.  Now, quit stalling and pass me a bowl and some Sure & Natural.

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6 thoughts on “Middle-aged

  1. Sure & Nautral look like organic whole wheat crackers to me. I’ve never found feminine napkins to be one bit feminine.

    And I’d argue that talking heads can offer powerful product endorsements — sort of reminds me of The Great Gazoo telling me to buy something. I’m sold.

  2. I don’t even own a house and I still fantasise about spice organisers, curtain rail technology, etc. And likewise, my 19-year-old self would be very disappointment.

    The Sure & Natural box design is intriguing. It’s like they want it to be “natural”, with an organic, post-hippy vibe (much like the earthy design of the Classique kitchen), but yet it still needs to do the job, so there’s the “sure” component.

    Also, the Sure & Natural lady is married. I’m not sure what that says, but it was deemed important enough to say.

  3. Like you, I am intrigued by housewives with no hands. With no bodies. Without the girlie products that the Sure & Natural products need in order to work properly.

    What is the world coming to? Especially when you realize that you are considering yourself middle-aged while still in your 30s. By that accounting, I am 10 years past dead.

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